I haven’t been into Christmas the last couple of years. I used to be, many moons ago. There was a time when I loved Christmas. As I’ve gotten older and things have gotten more difficult in my personal life, however, it’s gotten more challenging to be excited about the holidays.
Once my ex and I got separated all of the holiday traditions that I used to look forward to went away. We used to decorate the tree…or, I mostly decorated it, but he and the cats liked to help. I really enjoyed decorating the tree. I even hand-made some ornaments for it. Now I don’t even have a tree or any Christmas decorations. I let him keep all that stuff. I don’t even have any of the ornaments that I made.
Even more exciting than the tree was the holiday food! I used to bake a ton of stuff around the holidays, for both my profession and just for fun. Sometimes it would be tedious, but for the most part I enjoyed it. Even when it was “work,” baking holiday goodies was still a fun activity for me. Now, I don’t really feel like I have much reason to do it. There are no clients looking for my treats and my friends/family aren’t asking for it either. So why bother? It seems silly to bake hundreds of Christmas cookies when nobody wants them. I used to make a big Italian dinner for Christmas Eve, similar to what my family did when I was growing up. We spent most of these holidays with a group of friends that felt more like family to me than my actual family. I’d cook practically the whole day and we’d be drinking wine the whole time. It was fun. Now, those people we spent the holidays with no longer live here, which makes me sad. Some of us barely even talk anymore. I can, of course, keep up with the Italian tradition, but it’s definitely not the same if nobody is around to help you cook/eat all the food.
Although buying gifts for people stresses me me out sometimes, I’ve always loved buying presents for my fur babies every year. It’s so adorable, because they actually get excited on Christmas when they get their presents. I went to Petsmart this weekend to buy presents and my heart broke because Nooch won’t be here for Christmas anymore. It didn’t help that there were kittens up for adoption in the store that day. When I went over to say hello to the kitties the lady volunteering asked me if I had a cat…and I started to cry. 😦
I know that life changes all the time and that traditions change. I think I’ve felt extra sad and lonely these past few holidays because I haven’t made any new traditions to take place of the old ones. Sure, I get invited to parties and do some things with friends, but it’s not really the same. None of them feel like my traditions anymore or have given me something to get excited about.
I guess I need to start working on some new traditions, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Do you have holiday traditions? What are some of your favorites?