Hurty Thirty

One week from today I will be turning thirty years old. That’s right, the big 3-0. Dirty thirty. (I don’t understand this one. Why is it “dirty?” Is it just because it rhymes? If that’s the case then I’m changing it to Hurty Thirty, because it feels more appropriate.)

A few months ago I wrote a post, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Life Crisis, about my thoughts on turning thirty this year. As you can probably guess by the title, I had some concerns. Now, given that the dreaded day is almost here, I would like to re-visit that post and add some additional thoughts.

In my previous post I talked about feeling behind on life, about feeling like a “failure.” Since then, things have begun to feel a little more stable for me – with work, my mental health, relationships, etc. I have a goal I’m working towards (finishing this book and hopefully getting it published someday), which is helpful, as it’s giving me something positive to focus on.

There’s been a lot going on in terms of my physical health, with the the vagina and waffle crisis, the time I almost lost my arm, the ongoing Great Kidney Mystery, and the fact that everything hurts when I get out of bed in the morning. (Hence the “Hurty” in Hurty Thirty) It’s been quite stressful (and expensive!) and there are days I just want to cry in frustration, but, hey, I’m still alive and kicking. I have some upcoming medical appointments scheduled and I am keeping my fingers crossed that we get to the bottom of my kidney problem soon.

Looking back at twenty-nine, my first instinct is to say “Ugh, this past year was awful,” but that’s just because my brain likes to focus on the negative. (Thanks, depression/anxiety! Love you guys!) When I take a minute to really think about the past year, however, I can say that there were definitely some good moments mixed in there. Even my sweet kitty, Nooch, passed away, I welcomes a new fur baby into the family. I may have had to quite pole dancing for a few months, but as a result I was able to start dabbling in burlesque more. I paid a few fun visits to Asheville and spent countless hours relaxing/browsing the shelves of my favorite bookstores. Plus, I got to go to BookCon for the first time! Not only was BookCon itself a fantastic experience for me, but I can now say that I traveled somewhere all by myself. And damn it, I loved it!

I don’t know what my thirties are going to bring, but I’m starting to feel like maybe there’s no reason to panic. My twenties were filled with ups and more downs than I cared for, but I survived and learned from it all. I’m thinking that whatever comes next, I’m ready for.

“I know I’m not allowed on the table, but that sandwich you’re eating looks delicious.” – Merlin