Life · mental health

Thoughts on 30 (Or Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Life Crisis)

Happy Saturday! I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend. One of my best friends’ birthdays is today and she’s having a big, crazy party tonight. I’m really excited about it. Her birthdays are usually one for the books.

I think I am well prepared for the evening:

  • Picked out party dress – Check
  • Painted toenails – Check
  • Purchased bottle of wine to bring with me – Check
  • Took a two hour nap so that I can stay up past 9:00 – Check 
  • Apologized to liver in advance – Check
  • Cancelled plans for tomorrow because I will be completely useless – Check

Speaking of birthdays…

No, it’s not my birthday yet. It’s still a few months away, but I have been thinking about it an awful lot lately. This year I’ll be turning…*whispers* thirty.

21obs-scream-blog427

I’m having conflicting feelings on this. I know it’s not really that old. Given all the stuff I’ve been through in the past few years though, with the divorce, various other life changes, and my health issues, I sure feel like I’m getting old. I wasn’t even joking about the nap above. I’ve gone to bed at 9:00 almost every night for the past couple of weeks because I’m so worn out.

Thirty isn’t really a huge milestone, but I don’t feel like I’m ready yet. There are so many things that I fucked up didn’t do in my twenties and I feel like I’m behind on life. (I felt like that through most of my twenties also, so maybe my life is just destined to be one giant existential crisis?) I  don’t feel like I’m doing any of the things I’m “supposed” to be doing at age thirty. I don’t have my own house, I’m divorced (according to FB everyone else my age is recently married and giving birth to litters of babies), I don’t have a retirement plan, and I still like coloring books. Plus, I’m not drinking wine every evening. Apparently women in their thirties are supposed to really love wine. I mean, I like wine and drink it sometimes, but I don’t really drink that much period anymore because it just makes me sleepy and my hangovers last for approximately two weeks.

Do you remember that episode of Friends where everyone turned thirty and they all freaked out about it? That’s kinda how I feel.

 

(Do people still use the phrase “one for the books?” Or is this just a testament to my old age?)

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